Dating isn’t easy for anyone—no matter what your age. However, the older you get you find the singles sea gets pretty thin when it comes to potential catches. After all, you want to land a prize marlin…not a basket of crabs. But fear not hopeful dater, there are ways to weed out the guppies and find a great catch; and the way to success is your common sense and own intuition.
Let’s face it, dating in your 40s and 50s can be tiresome. After all, aren’t we supposed to have met our match and settled into domestic bliss by now? Sure, that may have been the case for some, but for others, they were either late to the game or due to death, divorce or desertion, find themselves back on the market, a little older and hopefully a little wiser.
Hopefully, at this point in your life, you’ve got…a pretty good idea of what you are looking for in a mate.
While dating can be daunting, it can also be fun and a great excuse to get the hell off the couch and out into the world. Hopefully, at this point in your life, you’ve got a list of dating dos and don’ts and a pretty good idea of what you are looking for in a mate. Remember to hold onto those as you brave the bars and bistros because you may encounter a charmer who can sway you from your goal: a healthy, successful relationship (whatever that means to you).
Personally, I’m pretty open-minded when I’m on the market. However, that doesn’t mean I’m indiscriminant. Even when looking for a casual dating companion, I have a list of non-negotiable ‘musts’ that I stick without fail. My Mr. Right (or Right Now) must:
- Be honest
- Be reliable
- Not smoke
- Have good teeth
- Be gainfully employed
- Have good credit
- Be self-sufficient
- Have a sense of humour
Ok, some of these may sound a bit judgmental, but I don’t care. A little good judgment when dating can save you heartache—not to mention money—down the road. A dash of pragmatism can go a long way when dating. And let’s face it a date is basically an interview. You are under no obligation to slip a ring on someone’s finger or trade keys after only one or two dates. This is where you find out how well they auger with your list of ‘musts’.
But why—at almost 50—would I want to get involved with someone
who has bad financials?
For instance, I could be out with a really nice guy who has great teeth, however, if he has bad credit, is unemployed or deep in debt, I will smile and thank him for a nice time (probably after picking up the bill for the drinks or dinner) and that will be the end of it. Sound harsh? Maybe it is. But why—at almost 50—would I want to get involved with someone who has bad financials? Guess who is going to be paying for everything? Want to take a vacation together? Can’t, no money. Want to buy a condo together? Can’t, no down payment.
The bottom line is this: I have worked hard and saved money and built good credit and so on and so forth. Why would I suddenly want to be shackled to someone who is still paying of their party boy days or has no credit. It’s too limiting and baby, this IS a material world. I have been down that road before and have no patience for it now. You don’t have to have millions in the bank, just be able to pony up and meet me half way. I don’t need another dependent. I have a cat.
Do you find them unable to make eye contact with you? Red flag.
Honesty and reliability are a little more challenging and take more time to suss out. Let’s say your new object of affection has good financials, career and teeth. You begin to move forward with the dating. Here is where you have to pay attention to actions: do you find them spinning tales or acting shifty? Red flag. Do you find them unable to make eye contact with you? Red flag. Do they promise to do things and then not follow through on the delivery? Red flag. Listen to your gut. If you think you’re being glad-handed or begin to harbour feelings of distrust, don’t ignore your instincts. There are two ways to deal with this: confront them with your misgivings about their behaviour or cut bait.
Just because you found a nice person who is attractive and self-sufficient doesn’t mean you have to abandon your core values. The last thing you want to do is unwittingly hand your heart over to a partner who is going to cheat, lie, steal, or worse. Trust me, bad things can come wrapped up in nice packages. Use your head when you’re dating. You can deploy your heart later.
Dating—especially for those of us over 40—can be a challenge at best and soul crushing at its worst. Remember that being single should not make you hang your head in shame; dating can be fun. And while it may be more difficult to find a good match as you get older that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Just remember that you’ve earned the right to be picky and you should never change who you fundamentally are just for companionship. It probably won’t work out, anyway.
Having said all of that, stick to your guns, keep you eyes and heart open and have fun. After all, it’s just dating.
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Andrew Vail’s writing career began in Halifax when he was but a child. In Grade 4, he wrote and produced his own series of comic books entitled “Freaky The Frog”, the on-going tale of a little misfit frog and his pals of the pond. Marvel Comics never came knocking but Andrew knew he loved to create and tell stories. Since then, Andrew has worked in advertising, PR and publicity; has interviewed politicians, rock stars and very interesting yet not-so-famous movers and shakers. He has published articles in a variety of local and national magazines and websites.
